Hope It's Just One Of Those Days

Ho Hum. It's a bit of a struggle to blog something today. Yesterday I couldn't think of anything either. Except to complain about how much I hate my job and that's nothing new. It's been very stressful recently for me, as I am not fond of change, or "realignment" or "restructuring." Or whatever weak-ass term is being applied to messing up my routine. Not very 21st century, I know. But it sometimes feels like that carrot is at the end of a mighty long stick.

My schedule has been the same, although I have spent the last three weeks in a training class for the new role I will have at work. It's not a promotion. In fact doing the math reveals it is a demotion, since the new department I am assigned to is not eligible for the quarterly bonuses I was earning, so there goes about 18 hundred a year. I even lose the power derived from a nice cubicle! I started there almost 3 years ago with a small but 4 walled cube. Then it went to a short three sided little hidey-hole. Now I get two walls, and half of a long desk so that it will be like a long horseshoe and I and my "cubemate" will sit with our backs to each other mostly but within eavesdropping (or annoying gossippy) distance. I don't get to pick who I am lumped with, so I cling to a small bit of hope that it is not any of the people I endure currently nor the lady I sit next to in training who is already talking about her angel collection. GACK!

I know, I work in an air-conditioned office, talking on the phone and clicking away on a computer. I could be in a factory, or some processing plant, or working in a nursing home. All those jobs are harder in my opinion. I am not saying what I do is hard. Quite the contrary. What I do is very easy. It is mind numbing. I spent 17 years in school, working out to an honors degree with a major in English and a minor in history. I was 22 when I got out of college and at that time, being just 4 years removed from high school and having two younger brothers who were in high school, I couldn't stand the thought of going into that hormone soup every day for the rest of my life and teaching the same thing each six months to kids who never got any smarter. Sounds a bit bitter, perhaps. I never had a plan besides that, since I didn't have any other skills besides making good grades. So I thought, since I don't want to spend all day trying to get kids to understand me, I'll just enter the service sector via insurance. And now I am about to spend all day trying to get senior citizens to understand me. Oh, mean irony!

Anyhow, without a focus or strong desire to do something else in particular, and with something now that I never had at my walk-away jobs (a mortgage,) I can't really up and quit. Although I know I can NOT be in this position past October. I can feel my personality changing and becoming meaner and more impatient. I am happy-go-lucky, a fast learner and someone who enjoys intellectual stimulation. You dont get that dealing with insurance. I think some of my passions in life are interesting but not profitable. I get fired up over the state of our children in this country. I don't have any of my own, so I feel like the watchdog for all the kids who need someone to care about them and instead get stupid parents who don't deserve a dog, let alone a child. I love folk history and the preservation of oral traditions and song. I love architecture and the value it has for maintaining the unique small town American landscape even as our old homes and store fronts give way to Wal-Mart and interstate. I love antique stores, and old army surplus. I want everyone to read and I especially want Kentuckians to value education. I want to promote tourism to this state by doing more than saying, we have basketball! I want teenagers to believe that they have as much opportunity here as they do in Illinois, New York, or California. I would like to take classes of children through museums and tell them things that aren't written on the little static display cards. Now. How to get a check for doing any of that?

Any suggestions?