Oh the Joys of Preventive Medicine!

Since I finally had something halfway interesting happen I felt compelled to tell you, dear readers, all about it. For those of you who find humor in others' awkward suffering, read on.

I was finally able to finagle two hours leave this Friday afternoon, to go for my wonderfully exciting visit to the doctor. My actual doctor wasn't available today, so by way of introducing myself I stripped naked and put on a paper robe before her office mate, the other Doctor in the practice, came into the exam room. This doctor was also female (something that I insist on when it comes to foo foos) and it wasn't long before I resorted to my very old pattern of behavior. When in a potentially nervous and embarrassing situation, go for the joke.

So, there I was in my fetching paper vest and matching lap robe. I began by asking her if I could leave on my socks since I didn't think they would be in the way. She laughed at that, especially when I added that I didn't want her to see my worn off nail polish. I guess compared to what she was about to see, my toes weren't that bad. But since I got a giggle, I figured it was a friendly audience. As she asked me to scoot around on the paper tablecloth, I told her this exam always reminds me of my mom. Who couldn't bite on a setup like that? Anyhow, I told her that when I was planning my wedding, Sweetie and I were also closing on our first house and I was packing up to move to Louisville and dealing with the wedding and just going nuts basically. Anyway, I needed moving boxes, and Mom said she would bring some home from work. Mom worked in a Dr's office at the time, and it wasn't until I packed up the U-Haul and got to Louisville and started unloading the truck that I looked at what boxes she had given her only daughter to use for her first moving day.

On the side of about a dozen boxes, in bold green stamp, were the words VAGINAL SPECULUMS.

Sweetie made me carry those boxes in the house. Why couldn't she have given me some rum cases like a normal Mom? And for anyone who may not be as medical instrument savvy as me, THAT is the name for those plastic salad tongs from hell that the doctor uses to, well, assist with viewing. I don't know WHAT the neighbors must think, but no one has messed with us since we've been here.

The doctor was laughing so hard she stopped a few times. Luckily the story and the exam ended about the same time and I am sure the office will hear the story in the breakroom later. I figure if you gotta show em your worst side, you should try to put a nice spin on it, you know?

Anyway, I think I did all right. And I got my RX for another year's worth of Little Blue Anti-Baby Seed Pills. Whew. So I guess it is worth it.