How To Proceed?
What do you do with forwards from people who think you share their slant on life, and continually send you items which you find offensive and hurtful? Especially when the person is an in-law? And if you are the guilty party, wouldn't you appreciate knowing not to forward stuff that you are bugging someone with?
I ask because I am probably guilty of this myself as I have sent a few things that I found funny. Funny is highly subjective, so I don't mind the response of hey, lay off. But. I am on the forward list--not general newsy emails about life or how are things with you emails, just forwards--of a newer family member. She is religious in her own way and I am not. What she forwards is generally insulting to someone who thinks we should live and let live. It borders on hate mail. I don't see it as religious at all, but rather inflammatory. I just delete it, and I never email her anything.
Well, I showed my husband tonight. He doesn't have a problem with flaming back. This may make the holidays more spicy than I care for. I don't like to take a stand. Delete and proceed is my habit. But at what point do you say something to a person? I guess if I had responded to the first email with a thanks but no thanks, this wouldn't be an issue. I don't care to preserve any friendship with this person but she is in the family, and it's the whole ripples in a pond thing. It's one reason I am glad we don't live within drop-in range of any relatives. Sweetie is right now working up a response to this email and I don't know what will happen next. In a way I am glad. I think the only thing worse than someone writing an email like that is the cut-and-paste hate forwards from people too ignorant to form their own opinions. Add in a few dewy eyed Precious Moments images and you have a real burner of a forward to send to all your unsuspecting "friends."
So. My question is, have any of you been on the receiving end of these forwards? What do you do? Can you tell a person to stuff it and still be on speaking terms? And if I've ever sent this junk to you, please let me know. Wouldn't want to offend.
posted by Amy @ 10:09 PM
5 Comments:
I am now very curious as to the nature of what she's sending you.
For me, it depends on what's being forwarded and who's doing the forwarding.
If it's from someone I don't otherwise communicate with, I usually set up a message rule so that all emails from this person are automatically deleted. Yeah, even the non-forwards, but when you have a serial forwarder, regular emails just don't happen, so you don't have to worry much about losing something you'd want to read. And I have to admit I feel like, in such cases, that I'm not interested in a regular email from this individual anyway.
One close family member (who shall remain unnamed) likes to send me Christian-missionary stuff. To her, I have said "ah, well, you know [----], not really my cup of tea, is it?" Asking her to lay off in the most unoffensive way that I can devise.
All of my friends either don't send forwards or they only forward the sort of thing that's funny or enlightening in some way. Not the stuff that's intolerant, or the stuff that tells you how to think as if we were all bears of very little brain, or the stuff that tries to scare you or guilt you into a certain way of thinking. They are friends, after all. :)
In my experience, responding to the forward usually has one of two reactions.
1. It completely backfires. Said forwarder never speaks to you again, and futhermore is convinced that you are (whatever).
2. Person says, "oh, I never realized how it was coming across! I am so sorry it seemed this way to you. No more forwards." (Although they don't usually change their opinion about whatever riled you up and made them said, RA RA RA, SO RIGHT ON DUDE.)
This is a book. More later, maybe. :)
Well, Sweetie sent a reply. He wasn't cruel but he wasn't too tolerant either. The brother thought it was cool that he spoke his mind. The sister in law now wonders about where he stands. Ha. It's supposed to be elementary school stuff, this happiness at another person getting chewed out. But it galls me to always be polite to the proselytizing relative who sounds so knee jerk hillbilly it's embarrassing. There's faith, and then there's bullying. Where you are from doesn't make you dumb. But some people are just that talented. And nothing you counter with has any value because whatever they say has the proof that "It's in the Bible!"
And the historical infallibility of that particular document has been proven beyond a doubt...
:::rolling eyes:::
I have 2 people who forward religious things (one being above mentioned close family member) - I just delete. This same person also sends me links to articles on better parenting...which I also always delete, unread.
The ones who send the ones that are urban legend crap (my friend had her stomach x-rayed after eating Chinese food and THEY FOUND DOG PARTS) - mostly I just wonder how I could be friends with people so stupid they don't even verify the veracity (how's that for a little bit of alliteration?)before sending on to everyone they know.
Glad sending the reply didn't make anyone mad - but they've probably put you and Sweetie higher on their prayer list now. :)
kim
Yes, it wasn't an awkward Christmas but the offender spent it in the "smoking" room (next to the buffet table. Gross!) and I stayed in the living room with the fun people so there was no big confrontation. I get mad at religious people who pick and choose their moral ground--what doesn't affect them is the Truth and what does affect them, well times have changed since the Bible was written. Oh, and I got another forward today but nonreligious. Life goes on.
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